Hi all,
I just had a long talk with Nick. I was on Facebook today, which I am not always on regularly because I don't have time. I do like to check up with what Nick and some of my family/friends are doing from time to time and I have a group on there that is linked to this blog. Anyhow, I discovered Nick had deactivated hi Facebook Account. To me it was a "red flag" and a sign that something was going on with him.
Now I realize that this may not seem like a big deal to you. To be honest, I have always had mixed feelings about Facebook and have monitored the kids Internet use pretty closely in general because of all of the dangers and things that exist. For Nick, however, we have come to feel that due to his physical disability and the fact that he is not and cannot always be out and about a lot, Facebook, texting, etc. has provided him with an added way to socialize with others that has made him very happy and he does spend more time than we'd like on the computer, BUT we know he is not out like most other teens so we understand it. It has helped him in a very big way. He had put a great deal of time into his pages, his songs he's written, and keeps up with his wheelchair football team and other things that way. SO, given all of that, Greg and I are a little concerned.
At first, Nick said nothing was wrong, but I know him well as his mother. He then came in and we talked. He is feeling overwhelmed by his first year at college and as a commuter ( there are MANY reasons we felt this was the best option for him right now but that's another post.....), he is not on campus meeting people. Because we don't have a personal care assistant yet, basically my Dad or Greg or I have to attend classes with him so this semester, he is taking half of his classes online which only further isolates him but due to Greg's work schedule and Isabella's schedule, etc., it was just hard for one of us to be in class with him all of the time to help him physically. These are the SAME issues we had in high school really but we don't have a para or an aide in college for him.
Nick said he feels like a lot of his friends, cousins, etc. are "too busy" for him and he is the only person that initiates contact with them. He feels they have "moved on" from him and he's just lonely. I shared with him that many college students go through this. I did for sure. But for Nick, he always has the added "disability" layer on top. That means, he has the same issues as a lot of other kids his age but he also has his physical disability which limits him and isolates him in many ways. He feels he has been making an effort to "put himself out there" but people don't reciprocate or think to contact him, ask him to go out and do things with them, etc.
As parents, this is tough to watch him go through. Really tough. We are of course going to continue this ongoing conversation with him and continue to counsel him and try to help him out. Mainly, we'll just (all three of us) BE HERE for him and I can only hope this will be a small comfort in these struggling times. I had hoped college would be a good time for him and I do believe it will in time. My initial feelings are that these are Freshman struggles with the disability layer on top and that we'll work out some of the kinks to the issues in time. We will sure try to help him in any way we can.
Any input or supportive suggestions are always welcome:-)
Please keep Nick in your prayers for us:-) Thanks!
Blessings:)
Amy
Hello,
ReplyDeleteCoach here. Just saying hello after reading your much appreciated post. I am very sorry to hear that Nick is going through a tough time. I should correct myself and say that all of you are going through this tough time as I know everything in your
household is a family affair. I can offer no words of encouragement other than speak on behalf of the impact Nick has made on my life. I do not have a facebook page because I to find myself quite busy and hard to find time to generate and maintain an
account. I can remotely relate to the out of touch feeling, but I will say that sometimes, I am glad I don't know everything that is going on. Most of it is just not important enough to spend time worrying about. However, if you could please forward
the following message to Nick, I would greatly appreciate it. It is something I think he should know and I hope remember when it seems like others may have forgotten about him or as he said, "moved on" because I can assure you and him, that has not
happened.
Dear Nick,
ReplyDeleteI would like to apologize first for not making an attempt to speak with you sooner. Please send me your email so that I may correspond with you more regularly. I felt compelled to write to you after reading a recent post about some of the struggles of
freshman year in college. I will never forget any year I spent in college. I could give you the entire play by play, which I hope to some day, but that would only make you fall out of your chair at times (pun intended). What I really wanted to talk
about is something that in typical conversation does not come up when one guy runs into another. Our last encounter at the wrestling tournament was great. I enjoyed talking with you and was impressed in the course work and your ambitious goals (which I
have no doubt you will achieve). Our conversation was a typical one between any two guys, a lot of goofy jokes and laughs, maybe even some sympathy laughs on your part for my corny jokes, but much appreciated. Mostly, it was just catching up between
two guys that have a mutual respect for one another. In my past experiences, even with some of my closest friends, sometimes that seems to be the way it goes. Wow. That sounds kind of depressing. However, what I will say is that as life becomes a
blur and important things seem to be racing by you at speeds that seem beyond belief, some of the most influential things that get you (me) from one day to the next is not who I see regularly or even physically. I fall back on the moments I have shared
with those who were in my life. I guess where I am going is that even though I rarely see you and I know you are off taking on the world one challenge at a time in ways I will never understand, it is the experiences I shared with you in my heart and
soul that have helped me conquer challenges I face even when your not around. As a matter of fact, I just spoke about you the other day to my Seniors as we were discussing heros. We were breaking down what makes heros, etc. and I looked in the back of
my room where your pictures still hang. In the middle of quiet spell, I began to read your legendary article that was printed in the Blade. It was difficult for me to read it, as usual, and nearly every girl, and maybe a few guys were a bit teary eyed.
The sad thing is, that is where their experiences with you will end, for me it was only the beginning. Little did I know how no matter what school, how old, how much facial hair you grow, or how many laps you may run around our gym, (and I say ours
because you are one of my wrestlers) there is not a day that goes by that I am not reminded of what I learned from you. Overall, even though I know teachers impact their students, they sometimes do not fully understand the impact they had, even on that
quiet kid in the back. What teachers often forget is that they are remembered and inspire others. Teachers can become frustrated, cynical, and question why they should routinely dig deep to find the strength to carry on. Let me tell you why I do. (continued below:)
(continued from above:)
ReplyDeleteBecause I know that there was once a young man in my life that needed me to give him a chance and not take the easy way. He was asking of me to be the best teacher I could be, to give all my students a fair chance, no matter whether I thought he was
going to be "worth" my time and produce a champion or not. What I learned from that one young man was that my life was not about winning championships and coaching the best and trying to make the best wrestlers I could, I learned that my life is about
giving each young man (or woman) that has the drive, passion, and desire an equal chance and the tools they need for success. To summarize, Nick, you are one of the greatest teachers I have ever had. I learned more about you, myself, my profession, and
the will of a human being than I ever new. There are often times that I loose touch with others for what seems like ages and then are reminded when I least expect it or even know it, that they often think about the impact I had on their life. You are
in the club. Just wait, when you least expect it, you will be reminded time and time again on how powerful, amazing, and respected you are.
Yours truly,
Coach
Matt Boggs
Perrysburg High School
English Department
Amy & Greg,
ReplyDeleteMy heart is broken by the recent email you sent out about Nick’s struggles. I can only image the daily disappointments, of others; you have to deal with daily. However, the young man that blesses your life every single day has more character, determination and heart than the majority of people.
When God chooses those who can carry the burden of teaching others, they question His decisions. Why me, why this way, and the only answer received is “have faith.” Nick’s low valley, at this point in his life, is a valley that he must travel alone and discover that the answer is not why I have been abandoned by family and friends, but that I am not abandoned by my inner circle of family and God. People will continue to fall short and disappoint, but it is our understanding and forgiveness of their shortcomings that help us through our valleys.
Amy and Greg, I am so sorry that you are having a love one experience such pain at the hands of others. I wish you guys could come out here for a visit. I would love to show Nick and Bella around; and have some family game time. Also, I have a young man that would love to give Nick a tour around here and hang out with him…he is Nick’s age and his time with Nick would be very genuine…his heart is always in the right place. Furthermore, food and lodging is included!! However, if you feel like you would rather stay at a local hotel, I would completely understand. Please consider making a trip this way!!
Blessings,
Joyce
PS Mike just told me that he would love to show Nick just how valuable the Packards are around here….
(from our sister-in-law, Nick and Bella's Aunt)
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to just send a quick note introducing myself and thanking you for sharing with everyone a glimpse of your lives. I am the mom of three beautiful children, ages 6, 4 and 2. Our two year old has CP and his story is truly a miracle. We are currently living in Powell, just north of Columbus, but we will be moving to PERRYSBURG in the next few months! You can imagine my excitement when I found your blog! I can't wait to have a little more time to more thoroughly read it! Both my husband and I grew up in Pburg and we are moving back for a variety of reasons. I hope our paths will cross in the near future. Thank you for sharing all you have. It is so encouraging to see what a successful young man your son has become. To see your latest post about the challenges of being a college freshman was both painful and hopeful. Painful only because we want to protect any child from struggles, but hopeful to see that this is the type of struggle you get to navigate. You have a beautiful family and it looks like you stay busy with both of them, regardless of how old they are! Take care, Valerie Cook
Mr. Boggs,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to share a quick moment with you if I may? Mr. Boggs, I am Nick's Uncle Mike. I was reading the message you sent to my nephew and I just wanted to share something with you. As most of the people who know me will attest, I am not the most open person when it comes to sharing my feelings and words but I feel compelled to say something to you. I too am distressed to read about Nick's struggles and feelings of isolation and frustration. Sometimes I wish that I do more to help him through this but then I realize that some of the things he is going through are things he is missing from his peers and family that are his age. I often think of Nick when I am down, feeling sorry for myself and am tired of everyday struggles and I realize that Nick's courage, spirit and determination have inspired me more than he will ever realize. I want him to know that I too share many of the same feelings that you have expressed about Nick and to tell you that you are a special man. You should be very proud of the way you opened your heart and mind and allowed Nick to pursue a dream and recognized that his drive and determination far outweigh any road blocks that Nick may face. I am confident that anything Nick decides to do in this world, no matter the depth of the challenge, he will overcome. It makes my soul feel encouraged to know that there are still people in the world like you and I just want to say..... Thank you and God Bless you my friend.
Respectfully,
Michael V. Hyndman
Hello.
ReplyDeleteI found your blog via google and this post struck me. I am an almost 20 year old with CP who is about to enter her third year of university. I empathize with Nick and his struggles wholeheartedly. I too have had challenges making friends and sounding interesting enough for the ones I have to keep in regular touch with me.
This year I will face a new challenge: living independently. My parents are immigrating to Melbourne, Australia (I live on New Zealand, another country) and I am staying here to continue my studies. I know I can and will manage to care for myself but if anything terrifies me, it is the social aspect of this new chapter in my life. I am terrified it will be hard to make friends in the dorm and that I will spend a lot of time being lonely without my parents. I am trying hard to remain optimistic and brave but going by past experience it is going to be a challenge. I get tired of having to almost sell myself to people to convince them I am worth getting to know despite my differences.
As you said in a more recent post it is all about taking risks and that is what we all have to do even though it is scary and sometimes painful. Keep your head up Nick. I can't promise it won't get any easier but I can promise you aren't alone.
Best wishes,
Erin
Erin,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found the blog and thanks for taking the time to write and share your experience.
I completely get the part where you said you are "tired of having to almost sell myself to people to convince them I am worth getting to know despite my differences". WOW, that's painful to hear and I GET it completely. As Nick's parents, we have felt like that and think, he's so funny and suck a great guy, WHY don't people get that? Then I also think, being "friendly" (ie: saying hello, talking briefly to him on one or two occasions) is VERY different than being a "friend" (keeping in touch, checking in (whether it be text, Facebook, e-mail, call, face to face, whatever, inviting him out, coming over, etc.). That's why I've talked about "lonliness" for Nick and others with disabilities so much. It does get tiring that Nick seems to have to put himself out there more than others and try to "sell himself", like you put it. As a parent, it makes us angry and frustrated at times, but mostly sad and heartbroken, because we know how great he is to know and hang out with. He really has a lot to give to people and contribute to relationships! Anyhow, I am rambling a bit but your message really struck a chord with me as you can see.
I am not sure about the laws in Australia vs. the US but Nick does have some accommodations for college (note-takers, electronic texts, etc.) but they don't provide personal care assistants for the physical assistnce he needs (personal care, etc.). We have what's called a waiver from our state but the regulations say we can't use waiver staff for college classes, help at college. So, we'd have to pay for someone privately, which is expensive to us, or find another resource, and we're looking........
Good luck with your living situation and I'm sure you'll be GREAT but I understand what you are saying. Like you said, just keep yur head up and thanks for letting Nick know he's not alone!
Blessings:)
Amy
Thanks Amy. I am glad your comment made sense to you. I really do empathise with what you are saying completely. Lots of people are "friendly" to me but not many are willing to put the effort in to be my friend. It is such a shame because I feel like I have so much to offer people who take the time. It hurts when you try and befriend someone and then, even though they are keen at first, they just end up completely forgetting about you if you don't initiate contact with them. I have spent many a day trying to organise to do things with people only to have them pull out at the last second, or to be too "busy" for me as Nick has experienced.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that Nick can't get a personal care assistant. That seems ludicrous. Can you challenge that? I have a friend who was going through the same thing and he managed to successfully challenge it by appealing to the state governor. This was in Australia, though. I am lucky in the fact that I don't need much personal care, but I definitely understand your frustrations. You sound like really great parents, advocating for Nick and all and I know you won't give up till you figure something out.
Thanks for your encouragement! I wanted to add to my comment that if Nick wanted to add me on Facebook, he is most welcome to. I know I am just a stranger but you know, it might help him have someone in a similar situation he can talk to about these things. Send me an email at shadow4stuart@hotmail.com and I'll give you the link for Nick to add. Alternatively, feel free to give him my email and we can converse over email.
Have a nice day!
Erin