Great Article-Must Read

Hi all,

A friend gave me this article, which was written in the late 1980s. The terminology is a little dated but I can say that the issues are as relevant today as they ever were. I feel like this article describes Nick's experiences and my feelings about it VERY WELL! Here it is:

Carolyn Daniel Speaks Out for Her Son

Burlington, Kentucky-Some moms and dads fight like Tigers to get their children with severe disabilities into their own neighborhood schools, rather than have them bused to faraway segregated schools every day. And once their sons or daughters get into local schools, those parents fight just as fiercely so that their children can occupy seats in regular instead of special classes. Even then, some parents like the writer of the following article, feel there is more to fight for:

Wanted: Just One Friend

How many times have I said, “If my son could just make one friend at school, everything would be fine!”
Of course, everything would not be fine. There would always be problems. My son is handicapped, you see. Dealing with OT, PT, IEPs, LREs and the dozen other acronyms we parents face will always be a problem. But we deal with them, and with the help of “experts”, we will hopefully fix what can be fixed.
The social problems our children face are truly heartbreaking. We as parents (who are supposed to be able to “fix” everything) are helpless. Can and should we “buy” them friends? Can a real friend be bought?
My son has cerebral palsy, attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity, and is learning disabled. He is in the fourth grade at our neighborhood school, and the only special ed classes he receives is an LD (learning disabled) resource room for math. He does average (or better) school work, dresses in the latest styles (demanding “hi-top” Reeboks even though Velcro had meant independence), loves MTV and Garbage Pail Kids, is well liked by his teachers and office staff, and…doesn’t have one friend at school. No one to “spend the night”, eat lunch with, or even walk down the hall with.
We have tried engineering friendships with swim parties, overnights, movies, and McDonald’s, only to have him waiting by the phone for that call that never comes-the invitation to their house.
This isolation takes its toll in many ways. Parents feel helpless and heartbroken. The child begins to lose interest in bringing home the good grades he is capable of. Who cares, anyway? Everyone else at school is talking about “so and so’s” party last week and he wasn’t invited or worse, was invited and ignored. It causes emotionally immature LD and hyperactive adolescents to “act out” behaviors that usually result in attracting only the principal’s attention. It causes a myriad of problems, but mostly a sad, lonely child.
My son is not mistreated by his classmates. On the contrary, they “mother” him. When I expressed concern to the school personnel, I’ve been told: “The other children love him-they help him all the time!” I hate to sound ungrateful, but helping and liking are vastly different things!
Public Law 94-142 (the U.S. government law calling for a full-service education for all children regardless of disability) gave our children the right to attend their neighborhood schools and receive an appropriate education. It has been enormously successful. But a far greater battle lies ahead-true acceptance of our handicapped children into their schools.
I sincerely wish this had a happy ending. That he found that “best friend” we all remember from our school days. That one special friend that shared our innermost secrets, that laughed with us, cried with us, and always was there to play with us. Maybe someday my son will find that person who will see beyond his disabilities and take the time to get to know what a bright and funny little guy he is.
If I thought it would work, I would run this ad:


WANTED: JUST ONE FRIEND.
MUST LOVE: MUSIC, DOGS, SWIMMING, BIKING, MUD, BUGS, THE FLINTSTONES, COSBY, GARFIELD AND PEANUTS SPECIALS. APPROX. 11 YEARS OF AGE. FOR LIFE.

Daniel, Carolyn. “Wanted: Just One Friend.” Parent to Parent, April 1987 (Tri-State Organized Coalition for Persons with Disabilities).

*I was originally given a copy of this article by a friend. It is also featured in a book called “Circle of Friends: People with Disabilities and Their Friends Enrich the Lives of One Another” by Robert and Martha Perske, 1988.

“When I first read this article, in the late 1990s when my son, Nick, was only about 6 years old, I felt as if the author was speaking directly to me, as if she knew my son and his (our) situation! I couldn’t believe how relevant and heartbreaking it was to me. The article was written in the late 1980s, so the terminology is different, but I can say that the social issues this mother writes about are true and relevant even today with kids (and adults) with disabilities.”
Amy Hyndman, October 2010

Blessings:)
Amy