I asked our daughter, Isabella, to write something for the blog. She wrote the following:
Hi, My name is Isabella Hyndman. I am ten years old. I am in fourth grade and I am writing because my Mom asked me to talk about a story I remember about my brother Nick Hyndman. It goes like this. When Nick was little he was made fun of a lot about his disability. So, he read this book written by Bill Cosby my Mom got him about bullies. It said if you are made fun of you should just say, “So”, and that’s what he did, because people don’t know what to say when you say that. The people who made fun of him were speechless. I think that was really cool! I don’t know if I could do that. I think my brother is so strong because he goes through these things. Sometimes people stare at Nick when we are out and that makes me feel a little mad because he is just like you so, why stare? I also get mad when people make fun of him. Also, people really do not speak to him a lot. Sometimes I talk to my Mom when I get mad about these things. My Mom says it’s ok to feel that way because I love Nick so much but Nick is going to be OK. But there are a lot of changes that are happening now like his new assistant dog Charger. More people socialize with Nick because of Charger. I think Nick is a great role model because of so many reasons. He goes through so many challenges everyday and he never gives up. He is one of the people I really look up to. Nick has taught me so much about how no matter how hard things may be you should never give up. Having Nick as my big brother is absolutely great! When he was born the doctors said he would never walk or talk and look at him now. He is walking better then ever before and he has talked for almost his whole life. I don’t know what I would do with out Nick. I love Nick so much. This is just one story I think of when it comes to Nick.
Written by Isabella Grace Hyndman, October 2009
When we had Isabella in 1999, Nick was 6 years-old. We were thrilled. We had prepared Nick like many parents so to be a "big brother", sibling classes at the hospital, books, talking to him. He was SO happy and so were we. We've heard a lot of talk (conferences, books, etc.) about the siblings of individuals with disabilities and the issues they live with. We definitely are aware of these issues. We know we often have to take a lot more time with Nick due to his therapy, appointments, illnesses, ETC. We would never minimize experiences of people who have negative feelings about having a sibling with a disability because we know their experiences are real.
We feel, however, that as a FAMILY, everything that affects one of us, of course affects all of us. So, we were prepared for any issues that may arise. We have always and still do make an effort to make sure both of our children know how much we love them, have our time and attention, have individual interests, and most importantly, can talk to us about how they feel. Of course, things aren't always "perfectly" equal as far as time and attention goes. Isn't that true for most families? We have gotten Isabella several books on "being the sibling" of an individual with a disability. She's read some and some are more advanced reading that are put away on her book shelf. We started talking to her as early as she was able to understand it, at her level at the time, about Nick's disability. She's lived it. She's observed, expressed her feelings about it, cried over things, and is an "advocate" at her young age. We truly feel that Isabella's life has been enhanced in countless ways by having a brother, who among many other things, has a disability. They love each other fiercely. They are "buddies" in spite of their age difference. Nick is, in turn, a protective, loving, and involved brother to Isabella. I feel, because we have such open dialogue and communication, any issues or feelings that have and do come up, are really OK. It's all OK. Isabella is a more compassionate, empathetic, and caring person because she has a big brother who has a disability. We are certain of this. So, my point is, it can all be OK if you are aware of issues and communicate about them, which has been our experience.
Good books:
Written by Isabella Grace Hyndman, October 2009
When we had Isabella in 1999, Nick was 6 years-old. We were thrilled. We had prepared Nick like many parents so to be a "big brother", sibling classes at the hospital, books, talking to him. He was SO happy and so were we. We've heard a lot of talk (conferences, books, etc.) about the siblings of individuals with disabilities and the issues they live with. We definitely are aware of these issues. We know we often have to take a lot more time with Nick due to his therapy, appointments, illnesses, ETC. We would never minimize experiences of people who have negative feelings about having a sibling with a disability because we know their experiences are real.
We feel, however, that as a FAMILY, everything that affects one of us, of course affects all of us. So, we were prepared for any issues that may arise. We have always and still do make an effort to make sure both of our children know how much we love them, have our time and attention, have individual interests, and most importantly, can talk to us about how they feel. Of course, things aren't always "perfectly" equal as far as time and attention goes. Isn't that true for most families? We have gotten Isabella several books on "being the sibling" of an individual with a disability. She's read some and some are more advanced reading that are put away on her book shelf. We started talking to her as early as she was able to understand it, at her level at the time, about Nick's disability. She's lived it. She's observed, expressed her feelings about it, cried over things, and is an "advocate" at her young age. We truly feel that Isabella's life has been enhanced in countless ways by having a brother, who among many other things, has a disability. They love each other fiercely. They are "buddies" in spite of their age difference. Nick is, in turn, a protective, loving, and involved brother to Isabella. I feel, because we have such open dialogue and communication, any issues or feelings that have and do come up, are really OK. It's all OK. Isabella is a more compassionate, empathetic, and caring person because she has a big brother who has a disability. We are certain of this. So, my point is, it can all be OK if you are aware of issues and communicate about them, which has been our experience.
Good books:
- The Meanest Thing To Say: A Little Bill Book by Bill Cosby
- Taking Cerebral Palsy to School by Mary Elizabeth Anderson and Tom Dineen
- Thicker Than Water: Essays by Adult Siblings of People With Disabilities by Don Meyer
- The Sibling Slam Book: What It's Really Like To Have A Brother Or Sister With Special Needs by Don Meyer and David GallagherViews from Our Shoes: Growing Up With a Brother or Sister With Special Needs by Donald J. Meyer
- Sibshops: Workshops for Siblings of Children with Special Needs by Donald J. Meyer
- Living With a Brother or Sister With Special Needs: A Book for Sibs by Donald J. Meyer
- Reflections from a Different Journey : What Adults with Disabilities Wish All Parents Knew by Stanley Klein
We get our books from Amazon.com, Woodbine House, or Exceptional Parent Library, but I'm sure there are many other sources, and other books. We use books as ONE tool to learn about and talk about these issues. These are books we've personally read. I'll be posting more book info. as I continue.....
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